I wish I could see into the future.
I wish I could see one or two years later to see what's going to happen to me. To see if I'm out of my house, or if I'm happy. To see if I'm alive. That might make me feel more comfortable. I wish I could see if Drew ever comes back or if I ever move on.
I'd be scared to know though. What if I've spent those years just waiting for him to come home and he never does? What if I die alone? What if I never in love again and he gets married and has a wonderful life with out me in it? Or what if I died? What if I'm not missed by anyone? What if he doesn't even show up to say goodbye.
Maybe I'll move away and become a very successful woman and then I don't need a man. I could support myself.
Or what if I never stop doing harmful things to myself?
I ask a lot of 'what if' questions. And I know that I'll never hear the answers to them until it actually happens. I just think a lot about them.
I think about the future often. Uncertainty is terrifying, but it's also exhilarating. Because if we could look into the future, we would inevitable take a wrong turn trying to get there, and then it wouldn't even end up the way we saw it. The adventure lies in the unknown. Love, relationship or otherwise, you never need to depend on another. You will be able to successfully support yourself, and that will make any future partnership all the stronger.
ReplyDeleteIt gets better. Positivity and healthy choices don't hurt, either.
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