"Years went by and we got older."

I wish I could see into the future.
I wish I could see one or two years later to see what's going to happen to me. To see if I'm out of my house, or if I'm happy. To see if I'm alive. That might make me feel more comfortable. I wish I could see if Drew ever comes back or if I ever move on.
I'd be scared to know though. What if I've spent those years just waiting for him to come home and he never does? What if I die alone? What if I never in love again and he gets married and has a wonderful life with out me in it? Or what if I died? What if I'm not missed by anyone? What if he doesn't even show up to say goodbye.
Maybe I'll move away and become a very successful woman and then I don't need a man. I could support myself.
Or what if I never stop doing harmful things to myself?
I ask a lot of 'what if' questions. And I know that I'll never hear the answers to them until it actually happens. I just think a lot about them.

True Love.

True Love

The truest love I’ve ever felt is being held in your arms. The way your warm skin feels pressed up against mine. They way your eyes adore every part of me. The way my clammy hands fit perfectly inside your warm ones. I have never been as happy as when I’m laying in bed with you, listening to the sound of your breathing and feeling every curve and muscle on your back.

 Every time I’m with you I know true happiness. I feel better with you, and I don’t worry about the silly things that mean nothing. I don’t care what others may think, you’re the only one that matters. You know the real me better then anyone else and you still care about me. You accept me, you want me. And I love you.

However, that didn’t last.

The weekends.

The weekends seem to bring me down.
I miss having plans on Friday nights with you.
But I don't miss waiting for your texts telling me when you were going to be free.
I don't miss the way when I'd ask you to hang out, you just wouldn't reply.
The "I don't miss..." list seems to be very short.
It's getting a little easier everyday. (But for yesterday. Yesterday was not easy at all.)
You'll always have a place in my heart. I hate you for that.
But I wouldn't change the days we shared together for the world.

And Lydia....

I'm so thankful for your friendship.
You're the only reason anything feels okay anymore.

Lost.

It's funny how quickly the happiness fades.
Sure, I have things to keep me going. Like my friends and such.
I just feel empty... Even with my friends supporting me, being there for me. (And they've all been wonderful. I'm so thankful for you guys.) It's still just hard.
I think of all the times we had together, all the memories we shared and I get lonely.
I know that I shouldn't give up and I know that I'm young. But you were my everything. My whole world. Now you're gone and I'm so lost without you. I keep expecting you to show up at my house, to tell me it was all a mistake, and I know you won't.
I can't help but think you will though.
I miss you more then anything else in the world, babe.
You will always be my love. The one who taught me it was okay to feel things, to be sad, happy, angry, annoyed, and loved.
I didn't know what love was before you. I don't think I'll ever understand why this happened the way it did. Why you left me now. You kept saying how happy you were.. You must have been lying. I miss you. I miss the way you would hold me in your arms, and I would feel completely and totally safe. I miss the sound of your heartbeat in my ear.
You are the reason I'm okay today, you're the only reason I'm living actually. My life was a mess, I was a mess. I felt so alone and then you showed me that I wasn't. You cried infront of me, told me you're stories about how scary life was and how you had to keep living to make it through those times. That night you told me the story of your friend, I was planning on doing something so stupid. And that story made me stop those thoughts. Made me realize that I would be giving in to my weakness if I did what I was planning.
I'm scared with out you.
I don't want anyone to be close to me anymore.
I don't want another love.
I hate relationships.
I hate you.
But I don't.
I'm so confused, babe. I just need you.
I'm tired of this, of feeling so empty.
You'll find someone better, I know you will. You know you will.
You'll forget about me.
And I'll be sitting here, waiting for something to happen, just like always.
I love you. Forever & Always.
Goodbye.

Halllllllloween.

Halloween (or the weekend of Halloween) was pretty damn fun.
I like to dress up in silly outfits. I wish there was a need for it more.

I have a very pretty sister.

Scared.

My heart hurts,
The first time in years I'm praying. Everything has to be okay. It just has to be.
I want to cry and run away. I can't even sit with her. It scares me to see her like this. I just want things to go back to how they were a few hours ago, when everyone was okay. I can't stop crying and I know that is not going to do me any good. But I can't help it.
Nothing good comes from crying. It just makes me feel worse, and helpless.
I can't sleep but it's all I want to do now. What if I wake up in the morning and things are worse?
I'm a bitch, a terrible person. I should be in there with her, just sitting. But I can't. I can't stop crying. It's pathetic, and I'm scared.
I want to take back everything I've ever thought about her, or all the horrible things I said. I love her. She has to know that, right? I feel like I've failed at being a daughter.
She's going to be okay. She just has to be. The world will fall apart if she isn't. My whole world will just come crumbling down. I want to feel like it's okay again, I want this worry to go away. It has to go away.
I'm sorry.
I love you.

Zombie love.

I love my boyfriend.

He's fantastic.

I had the best weekend ever with him. He makes my life so much better.

I honestly don't know where I'd be with out him.

He puts up with me, and all my sillyness, and then he gets dressed up as a zombie with me and goes to the zombie crawl.

Now that's what I call true love. <3

"Sometimes I wish the zombie apocalypse woud happen because I think I could make it and I think I could save you....


Maybe we could find a cure and save the world. Or maybe we'll just fall in love."

Here comes my man.

I don't understand how someone like me, ended up with someone as wonderful as you. My whole life I've dreamed about finding my Prince Charming, one that would take my hand and dance with me even when I said no. One that would sing songs with me, even if he wasn't the best. How did I get lucky enough to have you pick me?
You have changed me for the better in so many ways. You made me see myself, and actually see myself. I am no longer ashamed of the person I am becoming. You made me feel worth peoples time. You would text me, and talk to me even when it was just to talk. You didn't just talk to me when you needed something. I don't worry about all the little things anymore. (Or at least not nearly as much as I did.) My life doesn't revolve around all the silly things that don't really matter. I don't look in the mirror and cry.
You have made me a better person, and I could never thank you enough for that. I love seeing you, it's my favorite part of the weeks. I hate saying goodbye more then anything else in the world.
And I wonder, could you love me as much as I love you?
I picture myself with you, how lame is that? I see myself growing old with you, reading, drinking our coffee together every morning. How silly is that?
You could be the one. I hope I could be the one for you.

Music Prompt.

Now imagine that you're listening to classical music.
And you're teacher tells you to write what you think would be going on while this music is playing.

"Beautiful music, don't you agree my love?" his soft voice filled my ears, making my face turn to meet his. The audience was filled with old people dressed up very fancy like. I was wearing a black dress with a pink sweater. I felt surprisingly under dressed.
"Sure honey. I just feel a little out of place." I whispered back watching his pale lips turn into a small smile. I always felt out of place at these kind of things. But he loved listening to classical music and going to these kind of things. I, too, loved music but I would have much rather spent the evening out in town, doing some Christmas shopping, or even just staying at home listening to classical music and dancing around our living room like fools.
Instead we sat in a very crowed theater that reeked of old people. Everyone was smiling, enjoying sounds of the stringed instruments and main wood wind.
"You look beautiful," he whispered, his lips gently brushing over my ear, making me forget about how badly  I wanted to leave. He took my small hand and placed it inside his large one.
The audience roared with approval as the song ended and he leaned over and placed a very warm kiss on my lips. The classical music filling the back round.

Rain rain.

It hasn't rained it a while. I've missed it.
The smell of rain is the best thing in the world. I wish I was with people who enjoyed it as much as myself. I feel silly standing out in the rain just smelling the air. The wind blowing my shirt around, and my hair. I just feel better standing in the rain.

I don't feel better when it's raining, and I keep sneezing though...
Oh well, I guess I can't ask for everything.

Bleh

I hate going to school. Once I get there it's okay. But the whole waking up process, getting dressed, brushing my teeth, and putting on make up isn't fun at all. I hate that part.
I also hate that my creative writing teacher isn't a good writer. (Ps. Does writing have one t or two ts?) It bums me out, because she gives me advice that I won't use because it's not my style at all. I guess I don't really have a style of writing. I think I'll post some of the stuff I've written here. But not tonight, since I have school tomorrow. BLEHHHH.
I wish Denver was right next door to Wellington. That would make life a lot better. I hate not having friends, and the only friends I do have I only get to see once in a while. Lydia for example, and Mags. It sucks going through high school alone. Saaad.
Only one more year of high school. Hopefully after that things get a little better...
Goodnight bloggers. (:

How about a nice cup of tea.

Mainly, I only liked this picture because you could see the sky in the relfection of the tea.

"Clean cup, clean cup. Move down."

So mainly,

I will be posting a lot of cute, pretty, wonderful, photos here cause that's what I do. Some will be pictures will be ones that I have taken, but most will be some that I just stumble upon.

I miss Drew.. even though I saw him yesterday. I hate saying goodbye, it's probably my least favorite thing in the world. (Right next to change.) I only have to say goodbye for a week, but it still stinks! I wish I was old enough to move with him, and then I wouldn't have to say goodbye every Sunday. Damn him for going to school, and being responsible. I mean really! He should just stay here with me, and that's all he should do. Forget work, school, and all that jazz. Who wouldn't want to spend every moment with my lovely self? He wouldn't go insane at all... (note the sarcasm.)
But seriously, the happiest I have ever been is when he's holding me in his arms. He looks at me like I'm a person, and he tries very hard to understand everything that is going in my life. He actually listens to me talk. I don't think that I've met many people who do that. He gives me advise, and tells me that everything is going to be okay. It's so corny, but it's all true. I love the way he takes my hand and dances with me in the middle of a street, and the way he says I'm beautiful. He's wonderful, he makes me feel better about myself. I couldn't ask for more. =]

Hello there.

Another blog site! I'm just a creepy person who only found out about this site because my dearest friend, Lydia, has one. And now, I want one. Tumblr just caused to many problems but don't get me wrong. I loved having my tumblr account. Great time waster.  (:
And away we go!